There you were, the two of you, happy as a clam. They showed you their cards and you reciprocated. Living in the moment, you were both on the same page, then poof they’re gone. Wait, what?! What the fuck just happened? They were showing you all the signs that they were just as into this it as you were. You followed their pace, but then all the sudden they were gone without a trace.
You text, you call. Silence. You wait. More silence. You go back and forth in your mind about what you said and events that occurred. Did you miss something that upset them? Signs that they were fading away? All you are left with is this empty feeling of someone you thought you were building with, that you trusted, that has completely left you in the dark. You’ve been ghosted. Boo!
Yup, Ghosting sucks! Without any explanation from the other person, they just got up and disappeared from your life. They did not explain if something turned them off, if they had some sort of emergency or crisis, or just couldn’t handle their own emotions. We try to rationalize the situation and lick our wounds, but the thoughts just perpetuate because there was no closure.
What do we do now? How do we conceptualized how someone just treated us with such unattachment?
These are the 5 Ways To Deal With Someone Ghosting You: Buddhist Style
Observe, Don’t React
So you might be thinking “Okay, so this son of a bitch just got up and bounced and has left a complete void. What now? What do I say? I want to yell at them.”
Before you get the impulse to do anything crazy, compose yourself. Acknowledge this has happened and ask yourself if you really need to react with such haste. You probably will go through a cycle of emotions, from confusion, sadness, anger and than hopefully, acceptance.
Sit in these emotions and just observe them. You may have already reached on in a kind way to make sure they did not get in a car accident and are in a hospital somewhere. The honest truth may just be that they really just don’t have the consciousness to communicate effectively.
To remain dignified, do nothing. Literally. Do nothing. There is nothing you need to say to this person anymore because they have showed you that they could not go any further with you. Silence is as much communication, as them verbalizing there thoughts.
Have Compassion for Their Ignorance
Understand that their inability to communicate says nothing about you and everything about them. Regardless if something went wrong in their mind, a mature individual would have done the tough thing and give you the slightest bit of communication. For whatever reason, whether it be their current circumstances or past baggage, they can not handle the manner in a mature way. What you can take away from this that you can have compassion for them.
We operate at a level of our consciousness. It is clear that they are not at a level where they can handle this situation properly. Instead of communicating their thought process with you, they have chosen to take the easy way out.
The easy way out may be considered the selfish route because what they are doing is putting their own emotions and well-being above yours. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they did not, or do not care about you and your feelings, but they do not have the capacity to handle strong emotions.
This could go both ways. If they may not know how to handle their own emotions, they definitely will not know how to handle the emotions of someone else. Have compassion that his person does not have the wear-with-all to do the right thing. They are not as strong of a person as you thought they should have been.
Compassion also allows you to also take a step back and not take their actions personally. You do not have to attach value to yourself based on how one person mistreated you. As stated, because they did not have the courage to communicate, it does not mean you did not deserve to be discarded without seconds notice.
When you distance yourself, you can see how compassion puts it in a place above the discard. This person does not have the skill set to communicate with you properly. Remember, the way they acted only has to do with who they are at this moment and not a devaluation of yourself.
Karma Will Serve You
Karma works in mysterious ways for us, so don’t worry. Since you have not reacted and were able to create space and compassion, you can now let karma do its work. No need to tell them they are a “piece of shit who never deserves love from another person again”. What good energy you put out there will come back to you.
Why seek revenge when you know karma will get the bastards anyway?
– Ajahn Brahm
It’s Only Heavy If you Hold It
If you were to pick up a rock, you would feel the weight of it. When you put it down, you don’t. The same concept applies to our mental escapades. They are only heavy when you hold it. Your mind wants to ruminate. Over and over you replay everything that happened, trying to solve this mystery. Stop! By perpetuating these thoughts, you only make them stronger and they weigh heavy in your mind.
It is time to let things go. After a few weeks, you know for sure this person has ghosted you and they are not coming back. Even if they did come back, would you want them? They have shown you everything you need to know about them and their ability to handle hard things. They can’t. Not at this time period, anyway and you will not be able to change someone.
It’s time to let go and move on from this person. The unfortunate truth is that not all that shines is gold. Everything may have been going great in the beginning, but by holding on to those shiny moments in your mind, you are not allowing yourself to move on. Not only that, but only allow this to hurt you once. By obsessing over the situation, you are allowing it to hurt you over and over again. Your sad or angry thoughts will never penetrate this person and all it is doing is harming you.
If you are having a hard time processing the emotions and letting them go you could try writing a letter to this person and then throwing this letter away. You could also go into the woods, find a rock and think of all the negative thoughts revolving around this situation. Putting all this energy into that rock, you through it away. But remember, it is only heavy when you hold it.
Trust The Process
Why me? Why now? – This is often what we ask when uncomfortable events happen in our lives. We try to rationalize when the situation happened, but all we need to do is trust the process. Throughout our lives we will hit walls, road bumps, climb tall mountains, and be held back. Don’t see the obstacles as misfortunes, just trust the process.
This person was not meant to be in your life long term, but they were a chapter in your life. When we trust the process we give up the desire to always remain in control. The secret to living life is knowing we are not always going to have control and that we just have to go with the flow.
This person came into your life for a reason to teach you a lesson and to hammer you into a sword. As painful as it may be, when you follow these steps, you will find that you are strong. Soon you will know how to better sit with uncomfortable feelings and make the best of all situations. This person was not meant to be, so that just means there are better things ahead of us.
When we look at this from a larger scale, you will be able to realize that this was just part of the path you were meant to walk on. You can now learn more about yourself, your values, and how to level up. When you trust the process, you allow the road bumps to remain in your rear view mirror. Keep looking ahead! You are just part way through your journey. <3
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