I can’t sugar coat it. Breakups sucks! Whether you got broken up with, or the one who was breaking hearts, it will take some time to recover  — unless you’re heartless… When it happened to me, it was inevitable, but the timing was unexpected. I cried like a fucking baby while discussing with that person the end of our chapter, but I walked away knowing it was the best thing for me.

Now it’s all a game of perspective. Considering what I learned from past painful breakups, I was determined to nip this one in the bud, to not only prove a point to myself, but to the other person.

The first thing I did when I got home was write down a list. “Things I want to do now that I am FREE!!” I wrote 9 things down for myself that I wanted to do that I neglected while in the relationship.

• Sign up for yoga and go 5 days a week
• Buy a DSLR camera and take a photography class
• Photoshoot with Adrien
• Pay outstanding bills
• Meditate daily for 10 minutes
• Start a gratitude journal
• Career networking
• Plan and maintain healthy diet

It was a mental defeat. Everyone needs time to be upset and feel the emotions of being human, but moving on fast was my goal and this process worked.

Here is how to get over a breakup fast:

1. Process events and feelings

Naturally there will be some grief, you are human. Don’t push this away. Allow yourself time to feel your emotions and process what happened. Realistically, what happened and why.

Understand how you will better approach relationships in the future.

2.  Change your perspective

My boss asked me after I told her about the breakup – “Do you feel free?”, not “I am sorry to hear that” or “How are you feeling?” because these statements would suggest I was in a negative situation.

Change your perspective. Choose to be a victor, not a victim. Life is not happening to you, life is responding to you. I like to think of Tony Robbins question “What would happen if the worst day of your life became your best day?”

For some people an end to a relationships feels like the end of the world, but what if you flip your perspective? How is your break up the best thing that could happen to you today? What opportunities can you now cultivate in your free time?

3. Make a “freedom” list

Write it down – These are the top things I want to do now that I am FREE! – What have you been neglecting.? Do things to feel healthy, treat yourself, take care of things you been putting off (That pile of bills over there)…  

Look to build yourself and get back to the hobbies you stopped making time for. Start a new hobby. Make plans with friends and family you let slip away. Delve into that work project.   Create a list of a least 3 activities you would like to tackle.

4. No contact

Put down the phone! You are now in “No Contact.” Do not contact your ex and give yourself 30 days of complete isolation from this person. Don’t contact your ex, even if they forgot something at your home, you find a funny meme that reminds you of them, or you had a bad day and are looking for comfort.  

Do what’s right for you and take care of yourself first. In some cases, you will need to delete their number and remove them from social media. They say out of sight, out of mind… right?

With this time, focus on yourself and allow yourself time for introspection. When you allow for space, you can gain real insight how you really feel, vs having a reactive impulse to connect with them again.

5. Understand what’s going on in your brain  

Love is a drug, they say… and this is true. Your brain is going through withdrawal right now, just as if you were kicking a drug habit. Romantic love engages the “reward system” of our brain, surging dopamine (a reward neurotransmitter) when we think, see, interact with the person you love.  

When we stop interacting with this person, our brain stops receiving the same intensity of this reward neurotransmitter, causing us to feel withdrawal and relapse symptoms, ie: sadness, anxiety, the need to beg for them back.  

DON’T fall for it! Know that this is just your brain reaction to addition and fill the need for a dopamine surge with a new positive activity. Yes, you can have some ice cream, go for a run, or take up a new hobby.    

6. Plan time with close friends and revitalize old relationships

This is crucial. I believe a fulfilling life is about good relationships. Reach out to friends and family and make plans to spend time with them. Don’t talk about your ex and rehash what happened in your relationships.

Focus on building the relationship you two have and take an interest in what has been happening in their life.    

7. Create and action plan and follow through on your “freedom” list   

Last is follow through. With your actions items, map out time you are going to spend doing them and review at the end of the month where you are with your goals.

You will soon find yourself enjoying life like you hadn’t before and even wondering why you hadn’t done so sooner?  

Did you find any of these 7 Ways to Get Over a Break Up Fast – From Victim to Victor helpful? Share you experience below.

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